Control
8:15am - I just walked into church. Walking back to my desk to get ready for a meeting I have to be in at 830
8:20am - Phone call from Julie - "I think my water just broke"
It is at this point in time where every emotion imaginable starts flying through my head. I start crying and I am not sure what the tears are for. I think Im happy because I might get to see my baby girl today. Sadness because I know she is safe in Julie's womb and don't want her to leave that safety. Confused because I don't know how this day will go, and everything in between.
8:30am - I meet Julie at home. I run to the back bedroom and grab our hospital bags. Julie says "we aren't going to the hospital babe. We are just going to meet with our doctor to see what is happening.
8:30am-9:00am - I am a wreck.
9:00am - I pray to God as I am going to the Bible app on my phone. "Jesus, speak to us now." I look at the verse of the day and I am speechless at what I read. "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future." This has been my life verse for the majority of my adulthood. I have Jer. 29:11 tattooed on my side. It is at this point where I realize that no matter how much I want to control the situation, God is in control and He knows exactly what he is doing.
9:20am - Doctor comes in, runs some tests, then says "False alarm. Today will not be her birthday."
9:20am-now. I am exhausted. In the matter of one short hour, I have expierenced every emotion known to man.
I realized that I am not prepared for this. I thought I would be calm, cool, and collected. I wasn't. The biggest thing to come out of this is that I can do nothing on my own. God is in control of this while situation and He has been the whole time. I am praying harder than ever for a miracle. As someone said to me about a week ago: "We pray for you every night, and we cannot wait for the day we hear a thud and it's the sound of the doctors jaws hitting the floor because what was supposed to happen, didn't, and the doctors don't have a reason for it.
God, you are in control of everything. I pray now boldly for healing and a miracle. You can do all things and I know what you have this in your hands. You have everything planned already and I pray for strength to be there for Julie and Faith. I pray that I never lose faith in you and always know you can do all things. You have gone before us in all of this and we thank you Jesus.