T-minus 11 days until Julie's due date.  Freak out mode is officially in full effect.  While I am excited beyond all belief, I am equally as stressed, nervous, worried, and any other emotion you can throw my way.  I'm sure all new dads have felt the same way.

That being said, I need to share what has been happening with me the past week.  I was on such a high at the beginning of this week.  This whole journey we have been on, pretty much the whole time I have felt deep down in my heart that Faith is going to be ok.  Not just ok meaning that she gets the golden ticket to heaven and she will be good there.  Faith being ok meaning she will be fully healed and get to spend her life with her mom and me.  I truly felt that.  And I never felt that more than I did at the beginning of this week.  There was an over whelming sense this week that she really was going to be ok.  That was up until yesterday.  I have never felt spiritual warfare inside of me like I did yesterday.  The devil was doing everything he could to drain me of all hope and faith.  I felt the devil pulling me every which direction.  I felt Jesus fighting against him.  Only seconds would pass between thoughts of "Faith is going to be ok" to "just give up now.  All hope is lost."  I couldn't think about anything.  I was feeling sick.  I couldn't sit still.  I have never felt this way before.  Then, as orchestrated only in a way that God can, I felt peace.

It was dark.

I felt my faith and my hope quickly fading away, fading into the darkness.

Then, as a way that could only be orchestrated by God himself, light.

"Through Him all things were made; without Him nothing was made that has been made.  In Him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind.

The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it."

Jesus, the light of the world, shone in my darkness.

It's interesting to me that the darker things get, the brighter lights shine.  If you light a candle in a well lit room, you can see it, but the darker the room gets, the brighter the light shines.  Jesus defeated the enemy that was in me that day.  Darkness will come again, but I know for certain that no matter how dark it gets, no matter now dark a room is, darkness can not put out a light.  It never gets so dark in a room that it will extinguish a candle.  No matter how dark my life is, no matter what works the devil is doing, Jesus, the light of the world will shine bright.

Jesus is my light, and Faith is my little light.


Look at all the angles watching you

They're singing songs that we have never heard

And their voices ring like bells over the mountains

Oh, if only we could hear their words


God is near, little girl

God is near, little girl


Your eyes are brilliant deep sky blue

Their quiet wisdom is an evening song

And the angels must be breathless at your beauty

Like the world catches its breath before the dawn


God is near, little one

God is near, little one


Jesus bends to hear you breath

And his tender hands are holding you tonight

And his heart is ravished when you look, when you look at him

And oh, the endless mercy in his eyes


God is here, little light

God is here, little light

Oh, God is here, little light

God is here, little light



Keep fighting baby girl.  Jesus is your light.  He will never go out. He will always shine in the darkness.